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Empire - Executive Assistant

May the Demo be with You
New York, NY

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Job Details

Contract
$10 - $20 a year

Benefits

Opportunities for advancement

Qualifications

Executive administrative support

Full Job Description

Position Overview:

The Galactic Empire is seeking a highly discreet, exceptionally organized, and Force-resistant Executive Assistant to support Emperor Palpatine in his day-to-day domination of the galaxy. This role requires unparalleled loyalty, adaptability in high-pressure situations, and a keen ability to anticipate the Emperor's needs-often before he speaks them aloud.

You will serve as the right hand (the other right hand) to the Emperor, ensuring seamless coordination of his imperial calendar, confidential communications, and...occasional sith-related tasks.

Key Responsibilities:

Maintain the Emperor's schedule with flawless precision, balancing galactic conquest, Sith rituals, and surprise visits to underperforming star systems.
Serve as gatekeeper to the Emperor, managing all incoming communications from Imperial officers, planetary governors, and occasionally, disgruntled Sith Lords.
Coordinate and prepare for high-level meetings, strategic executions, and Force Lightning demonstrations.
Discreetly handle sensitive information with complete loyalty and zero tendency to rebel.
Assist in drafting imperial decrees, memos to the Galactic Senate (what's left of it), and veiled threats to the Rebel Alliance.
Organize occasional team-building exercises for Stormtroopers and Sith apprentices (mandatory attendance, optional survival).
Manage travel logistics for Death Star inspections, TIE fighter rallies, and unexpected trips to Mustafar.
Provide administrative support for large-scale projects like planetary weapon systems and clandestine cloning programs.

Qualifications:

5+ years of experience supporting senior leadership, preferably in authoritarian regimes.
Impeccable organizational skills with the ability to manage competing priorities-especially when one of them is an interstellar war.
Strong verbal and written communication skills; ability to convey messages firmly yet diplomatically to ambitious underlings.
High tolerance for dark side energy and occasional Force-related disturbances.
Absolute discretion.
Proficiency in Imperial calendar software and holographic communication platforms.
Ability to work independently with minimal supervision, except when being directly supervised by Sith Lords.
Fluency in Basic; knowledge of Huttese, Wookiee, and binary a plus.

Preferred Attributes:

Not easily intimidated by cloaked figures.
Quick on your feet-both mentally and physically.
Strong resistance to Force persuasion is highly desirable but not required (though it may improve longevity in the role).

Benefits:

Competitive salary with galactic hazard pay.
Access to exclusive Imperial star cruisers.
Complimentary uniform provided, cloak optional.
Significant career growth opportunities within the Empire's leadership structure.

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